Trump’s Plan to Randomly Shoot People Lacks Details, Random Shooters Say
FOOD FOR THOUGHT, 25 Jan 2016
Andy Borowitz – The New Yorker
24 Jan 2016 — One day after Donald Trump claimed that he could shoot people on New York’s Fifth Avenue and not lose support, a leading member of the random-shooting community complained that the billionaire’s random-shooting plan lacks specifics.
Harland Dorrinson, who heads the largest association of random shooters in the nation, said that Trump’s Fifth Avenue plan “lacked many of the key ingredients necessary for a credible random shooting.”
“There’s no weapons cache, no twisted manifesto to be found later by authorities,” Dorrinson said. “To anyone in the random-shooting world, Trump’s plan fails on so many levels.”
Moreover, he said, Trump has not put in the many years of solitary seething that most random shooters deem mandatory.
“Before you do a random shooting, you’re supposed to be quiet and keep to yourself,” he said. “Trump is always shouting at thousands of people.”
Dorrinson added that although many random shooters have been in the Trump camp thus far, the candidate’s vague random-shooting “plan” is now giving them pause.
“Donald Trump made it sound like a random shooting is just the easiest thing in the world,” he said. “At the end of the day, random shooters find that hurtful.”
Credit PHOTOGRAPH BY AL DRAGO / CQ ROLL CALL VIA GETTY
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Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. In 2001, he created the Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor. The Borowitz Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012.
Go to Original – newyorker.com
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